Dr. AIX's POSTS — 02 January 2014

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I’ve been hesitating writing about yet another in a seemingly endless supply of useless “audiophile accessories” but I just have to believe that this guy knows full well that every one of his products is completely fraudulent. He’s making stupid money from unsuspecting audiophile and I’m amazed.

There’s just something about his wording and artwork that gives the reader the “wink” of acknowledgement that he just wants to sucker you into sending him your money. And if you believe that the testimonials on the site are real, plenty of people and even magazine writers are contributing to this fraud.

teleportation_image

Figure 1 – The image used on the Teleportation Tweak product page.

How else would a reasonable person pay $60 for a phone call?

Yep…that’s what you get for your money. Geoff Kait calls you on the phone and the result is that the sound and video of any equipment you have in your home will undergo profound improvement. According to the site, your media will be clearer, contain more information, greater frequency extension and lower distortion. You can experience these improvements using a landline or cell, from any room in your house and even at distances “greater than 10,000 miles”.

“The Teleportation Tweak is a phenomenal invention discovered and developed by Machina Dynamica for improving audio and video systems remotely over long distances. The fundamental principles of operation of The Teleportation Tweak are quantum teleportation and mind-matter interaction.” Of course, the theory and operational details of this exciting discovery are the proprietary property of the company.

This has got to be one of the most brilliant tweaks imaginable. This snake oil salesman gets you spend $60 on his “Long-Distance Audio and Video System Enhancement” elixir, which is “The Only Audio Product that doesn’t Require Shipping”.

Whoa there, Geoff. I’m going to have to dispute that last claim. I’m pretty confident that my downloadable HD-Audio files don’t require any shipping and will actually result in a better listening experience than getting a phone call from you. And I’m giving these samples away for free.

Geoff Kait’s credentials take up a substantial portion of the page promoting the Teleportation Tweak. However, I’m not sure how having a background in aerospace engineering with a specialization in “theoretical fluid dynamics and propulsion, statistical thermodynamics, nuclear physics, indeterminate structures” makes him competent in the discipline of audio engineering.

I’m sure you’re as impressed as I am that his undergrad thesis has twenty-one words in the title (“Preliminary design of low-thrust engine for interplanetary travel utilizing momentum transfer mechanisms in highly magnetic metal crystal bombarded by high-energy ions”). Does anyone else feel that he’s trying just a little too hard to blind us with science?

Other amazing products that he has invented include: “Nimbus Sub-Hertz Isolation Platform, Promethean Base, Baby Promethean Mini Isolators, Brilliant Pebbles, Tru-Tone Duplex Covers, Codename Turquoise II CD Tray Masking Kit, Codename Top Banana II Blu Ray Tray Masking Kit, the Teleportation Tweak, Clever Little Clock, Codename White Poppy, Codename Blue Meanies, Frog Jump in Water Tweak, The Super Intelligent Chip, the Diamond Light Crystal High Frequency Clarifier, Spectrum Purifier CD Coloring System, Blu Spectrum Purifier Blu Ray Coloring System, Flying Saucers for Windows, Flying Saucers for Wall Outlets, Pretzel Logic Reef Knot Device, Dark Matter CD Optical Coating and the Ultra Signature Version of the Clever Little Clock.”

I looked up the word “Sub-Hertz” and came up with nothing but a bunch of subwoofer speakers. You would think that a highly trained scientist/engineer would know the right words to describe subsonics.

This guy is living the dream. Every product that he offers through his website is an expensive hoax designed to pull dollars out of your pocket and make him some free money…lots of free money if you check out the prices.

So Happy New Year…the Teleportation Tweak is the first 2014 winner of the “Tweaky Award”. I will make sure to send out the award as soon as the statuettes come back from the manufacturer…it’s a gold plated Green Magic Marker in honor of one of the earliest audiophile accessories.

And yes, the Teleportation Tweak comes with a 30-day money back guarantee…whew! I thought for a second there I was dealing with a shyster.

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About Author

Dr. AIX

Mark Waldrep, aka Dr. AIX, has been producing and engineering music for over 40 years. He learned electronics as a teenager from his HAM radio father while learning to play the guitar. Mark received the first doctorate in music composition from UCLA in 1986 for a "binaural" electronic music composition. Other advanced degrees include an MS in computer science, an MFA/MA in music, BM in music and a BA in art. As an engineer and producer, Mark has worked on projects for the Rolling Stones, 311, Tool, KISS, Blink 182, Blues Traveler, Britney Spears, the San Francisco Symphony, The Dover Quartet, Willie Nelson, Paul Williams, The Allman Brothers, Bad Company and many more. Dr. Waldrep has been an innovator when it comes to multimedia and music. He created the first enhanced CDs in the 90s, the first DVD-Videos released in the U.S., the first web-connected DVD, the first DVD-Audio title, the first music Blu-ray disc and the first 3D Music Album. Additionally, he launched the first High Definition Music Download site in 2007 called iTrax.com. A frequency speaker at audio events, author of numerous articles, Dr. Waldrep is currently writing a book on the production and reproduction of high-end music called, "High-End Audio: A Practical Guide to Production and Playback". The book should be completed in the fall of 2013.

(5) Readers Comments

  1. Wow,
    I knew that there are a lot of hokus pokus products out there, but a phone call improver is the most incredible thing I ever heard. Poor, poor fools that really pay for that!

  2. The most surprising fact about this skam is his clientele are engaged in a rather technical hobby with a firm foundation in physics and math! But a less educated, less elitist but more prevelant crowd lacks the disposable income Geoff is after. So congrats to a real American entrepreneur.

  3. I’ve known about this site for years and I still cant decide if this guy is real or this is a joke, either way he should be investigated and fined.

    • He’s for real…unfortunately.

      • Surely $160 USD for a ‘hot rodded radio’ is a great deal in 2016

        “NEW!! WORLD’s SMALLEST HIGH END SYSTEM ONLY 6 OZ – Hot Rodded Portable FM/AM Radio with lightweight earphones $159”

        http://www.machinadynamica.com/

        If radio is too old school for you, he even has a Discman for the same price! It too is ‘hot rodded’ – must have red flames applied.

        One note – you may not get a Sony apparently, stock many vary.

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